During the long road of divorce...</3

<p>My heart is heavy tonight and I feel as though nobody has bothered to care...this past year I have got married..became a step mom and knew getting involved with him that it wasn't gonna be easy. I was more then willing to take the risk of having a man go to jail...because he was taking care of mistakes that had taken place wayy before we met. He was owning his past..just as everyone had asked him too...and as our relationship unfolded. We let people in..and we both become vulnerable we found it harder to trust each other... because other peoples opinions became more important then our relationship...I lost contact of my family....I lost friends to risk feeling like my marriage was gonna last ..low and behold a month him being in jail. I discovered I didn't want to be with him. I was happier without him then I was with him. I found myself able to cope better without him around. As I chose to file for divorce and move on with my life...my focus became more alert as I devoted myself to school ..work became easier cause I Wasnt worried anymore...I was able to completely feel and be independent just like I always wanted..I learned how to cope being without him and the anger I felt wasn't gonna go away anytime soon..the peace I felt that soon came over me..I learned the only way I was gonna feel okay again is praying to have my heavenly father by my aside...as few would truly take the time to ask how my heart was coping...I found a love for him...a love that I was at peace where things were headed...I truly wanted what was best for him...but what I think often ppl are truly missing during this whole process is...it isnt easy..I miss him almost every single night..soo often I cry myself to sleep...I ask myself WHY this had to happen to me...I don't get it..I don't have the answers...and what hurts the most is feeling nobody cares to know the loneliness that is sooo deep...as ppl take time to ask how I truly am...thank YOU. It truly makes all the difference. It truly makes me feel important..it makes me feel my feeling matter...cause aas I still continue to fight this battle of wishing he would just let me go. Fighting with everything inside me to hold back the tears...I know what I am doin is gonna be for the better..it will one day soon make sense why I got to go thru this...but for whatever reason until then I will miss him.  I will love him. I will forgive him. I will cherish the memories we made..I will wish him thee VERY best..and most of alll...he will hold a place in my heart to remember yes he did hurt me..he did leave me too answer questions to ppl I didn't wanna do...but what I will always do from this point on is be grateful for a man who taught me so much...both good and bad I will always have someone who will be with me until the end of time...in my heart he will be.
Lol...I sure hope when ppl read this. You don't take that we are gonna be together...cause right now we are just tryin to figure out truly where we are suppose to be as a couple. What I'm trying to express is this journey isn't easy at alll. I miss him a lot...but without each other is where we are better off...or so i feel like it should be...for any reason for us to make it work..time will only tell..